Loved and lost.
Everything I've always wanted has happened. Not the best timing, but has happened never the less.
Where to go from here? I don't want my emotions thrown around like toys, nor do I want to be used as an object. But at the same time I can't be in a relationship. Time will tell.
I'm leaving behind a great person. Following your heart is now easy. In fact, it really hurts sometimes. But I have to know; I have to take this risk. I have to feel this again.
I have no idea where this is going. NO idea. But I'm really, really happy. And sad at the same time. What a strange feeling.
I still feel stunned.
I have mixed feelings about last night.
I was elated to hear him saying what he was saying, even if he was drinking. All of the emotions built up inside of me were being spoken through his mouth. How could he be telling me everything that my soul's been hiding? It was beautiful.
He told me I was beatiful, that I was the first girl he ever loved, that I had always been there for him and made him happy. He still held me in the parking lot and kissed me like we were in love again.
Dancing on the dance floor, laughing, having fun. "You're my girl, you know that right?" Asking me if I'd marry him ahaha.
And I am horrible person for everything I did. I knew this situation would arise, it was only a matter of time. I had secretly deliberated with myself for years about what I would do in this situation. My decision was that if I ever had a second chance, I would take it. And I did, whether it meant anything to him or not, it answered numerous questions for me.
It's hard to believe charming people. Where does the thin line between charming and truth lie? To tell you the truth, last night I didn't care. For the first time in 4 years I was the girl in his arms, being kissed and cuddled. And I'm not gonna lie to ya, I loved every minute of it.
Lying there together under the stars on the moonlit water, talking about old times and confessing the truths we've been holding in. Does it get much better than that?
I know that nothing will come of it; That he probably woke up this morning with a sinking feeling of regret. I know that he won't call me as promised. But, somehow, I am still deeply satisfied.
